An Ausländerin Tries to Get Married

Johann and I have been pretty content with the status of our relationship over the last few years. Even though we've lived together, traveled together, and had a child together (and are currently underway on a second), we've never felt the need to legalize our personal commitment to each other and get hitched. Recently though, the perks and advantages of being married have manifested themselves.

[To be clear: I use the terms "married" or "marriage" deliberately and distinctively from "wedding". Although I know not everyone draws a distinction, in my mind "marriage" connotes the legal or civil process while "wedding" refers to the ceremony and celebration.]

With family and friends all over the world, we thought a wedding might be a tad stressful (or.. impossible?) to pull off in a way that was easy and affordable for everyone. And, while we're not anti-marriage, and we love celebrating (and getting emotional) at the beautifully planned weddings of our friends, we're not really traditional wedding folks ourselves. (And considering there are a total of 6 divorces amongst our parents and step-parents, perhaps we're a little cynical too.) A really big party would be fun, but maybe later...

In Seattle, if you're a heterosexual couple, getting a marriage license is very easy. No blood tests, birth certificates, counseling, or residency requirements. Just fill out the form, add $64, wait three days, and POOF!! you have a legal license to marry. Find an officiant (a judge, an "ordained" religious figure, an "ordained" sea captain) to solemnize your marriage, two witnesses to the event, and you're set. Not so bad.

We heard it was more complicated in Germany, so we thought, "Hey, yeah, why not Seattle?" While in Seattle, we talked numerous times about picking up a license, popping by the judge's office, and sealing the deal. Informal, semi-spontaneous, but also business-like and legal. My father, with his connections to the local legal community, suggested several judge or justice friends who could officiate.

But then, through the grapevine, we learned of others who had married abroad and then tried to get their marriage recognized by the German government. They said that it was becoming far more complicated, with many more Flaming Hoops of German Bureaucracy to jump through. Having already spent nearly a year working with the local Standesamt and the federal government to recognize our foreign-born son and accept his name (the subject for another post), we were wary of more bureaucracy. A marriage in Germany was looking like the better option.

According to the website of the US Embassy, a foreigner wishing to marry in Germany will require the following documents:

• Current Passport
• Recent certified copy of Birth Certificate (no more than 6 months old)
• Apostille -- an official stamp allowing domestic documents to be internationally-recognized
• Ehefähigkeitszeugnis -- a Single Status Certificate indicating that you are legally allowed to get married
  

If you're already in Germany, you likely have a valid passport. I got a new copy of my birth certificate from the Vital Statistics Office in King County. I got an apostille for my birth certificate directly from the Secretary of State's Office in Olympia, WA. A bit of a hassle, but not too bad.

The Ehefähigkeitszeugnis is a little more complicated. Maybe other countries issue these certificates of marriageability, but not the USA. So the best one can do is swear an affidavit (or two, or four) in front of various authorities, submit them with your marriage application, and hope that the local Oberlandesgericht (state court) will grant you a waiver.

I went to the US Embassy in Berlin and swore an oath in front of the consulate affirming my singlehood and also, interestingly, that I wasn't a member of the US Armed Services. They gave me an fine-looking official affidavit.

Upon returning to the Baltic Sea, Johann and I made a visit to the local Standesamt, and presented the registrar there with our little stack of important documents. She had a bit of a back-log of paperwork to get through, so she said she would look them over and prepare an application for us.

A week-and-a-half later, we met again. The registrar had prepared our application, along with several other affidavits for me to swear and sign. I affirmed that I was not currently or previously legally married, I was not ritually married, I had not been partnered in a civil union (whether hetero or homo), and I did not have any previous (secret) children that I was supporting. She then sent these, along with our birth certificates, our son's birth certificate, photocopies of our passports, Johann's income information, and our marriage application, to the Oberlandesgericht in Rostock.

(Phew!)

We are now waiting for a reply from the court. Hopefully granting a waiver of my Ehefähigkeitszeugnis, and granting us permission to marry. It will probably take at least 3 weeks, said the registrar, a seasoned woman who has nonetheless never done this before.

We'll see.


Total cost so far:
-Birth certificate, $20
-Apostille, $15
-Affidavit from Embassy, $30
-Marriage Application, 102€ (including a fee of 70€ for the various extra affidavits and the hassle of appealing to the court)